Live True, Love True

Excelent, Terrific, Wonderful, Magnificent … are words that i would love to use to describe my current situation with a certain someone. Unfortunately, neither is appropriate.

Doubts float in my mind often, a little to often really. I hate being out of the loop when it matters the most.

Thus it begins, the battle of mind against heart. Where feelings fight thoughts and realism fights well… everything else.

Feelings vs Thoughts…

Let’s just say, i’ve had better days, days which were a little less stressful, depressing and sad. But i find this disturbing loop never ending. I’d like someone who doesn’t like me, but when i stop liking them, they start to like me. Somewhere, somehow, something went wrong, and i know it. That feeling of being played occurs and just screws up everything. Funny things is, on usual circumstances, i’d fall out of this "loop" and lose feelings for that person, but i’m not sure why i haven’t done so in this one. Perhaps my heart has decided to give its all for this one, or perhaps its already given up.

My mind has only thoughts of her, but of course, my mind still has space for other things, like studies. I wonder why people seem to think that studies are heavily affected by emotional strain, i find that, difficult to comprehend. If you have your priorities set, you wouldn’t put whats important at risk for something that might not happen. I love her, i do, but i know i have other things to attend to as well. I cannot, and Will not allow my depressed state of mind drift me away from what should be done.

Feelings for her are intact, so is my sanity. So Love triumphs over doubt, and since love is a feeling, it triumphs over thoughts.

Realism vs Everything else….

Achievability… Is there anything to lose by waiting for her answer? No. Is there anything to gain? Everything. I guess it hurts… waiting for the answer of someone who you don’t even know likes you well enough to say it. Perhaps she’s hiding her feelings, who knows… i certainly don’t.

I just wish at some point she’d tell me, so i could prepare for the best…. or the worst. Perhaps its not good to push it either, and with greater judgement i shall not.

Me, being a born Realist(that fantasizes about other ways of life and worlds.. contrast isn’t it?) would believe that things will happen only when you take action. I’ve taken every action and percaution needed, at least thats what i tell myself for this relationship to work out. Only problem? Its long distance, i think it’s very much the distance that she is not comfortable with… I’m loyal to the bone, but perhaps she doesnt want someone to be so close emotionally, so far away.

I’ll keep to what i promised before, if she remembers.

"I will go to where you are, where ever you are".

And thus, Realism gives everything else a bash in the head.

And since im still alive being able to blog, means my sanity is still intact as well.

I love her, if only she felt the same way.

- i’m a sissy - LOL XD