Live True, Love True

Sleep has returned to me, like a blessing from god. I finally slept more than 2 hours today, a whooping 14 hours sleep. It would seem the main cause of everything was keeping quiet… all i needed was someone to give me a good lecture about being me, to find out finally what the hell i was doing.

Some points were right, some points were wrong. Bottom line, i found myself having the answers to the questions that were running through my head. The cause of all these problems was merely me being obsessed at an uncertain outcome. It confused me, my natural self.

Perhaps there are times in life where you need to bring up your feelings and put them on the table. Pour them out like wine from a bottle, into a glass. A thin layer protects it and is easily shattered, that is your trust. The taste of wine could be sour, and hard to swallow.., that is how you’d feel, but it was needed to calm those who were consumed by it in the first place, and that is what was done.

Once lost, now found

Conversations, reassurances, mistakes, regret. All part of life. As i move ahead with what I do, I will always be on my toes to watch for and avoid things like these from happening again. At the very least, if the situation is inevitable, i already know how to handle the situation.

I was once lost in my own world of confusion.

No longer, for I have found myself again. I shall strive to be a better being, yet humble enough to know and accept my flaws. I am no god, that is why there is only one. I am not Him, and never will be.

I have made numerous mistakes since i moved here. At one point, i wish i hadn’t. I had to accept the fact that i am here, and whatever i chose to do, has brought me to where i am today.

With all this said and done, I am glad i have a future to look forward to, particularly in being a lecturer, getting paid, a scholarship for a degree and master of my choice and a path to a brighter future. I will be a busy man, for sure, but being that busy means I will appreciate my friends more whenever i see them. That’s how it is. You’ll never know how important they are, until you somehow lose them. People take things for granted. Even I.

I have chosen the people to care about and i can count them with the number of fingers i have. The number may grow, but only if i see fit. Time has come to treat the people important to me extra special, but with boundaries, and friends as friends, and the love of my life, like my life depended on it. Mistakes of the past shall teach me never to make them again, and i shall strive to become what i always wanted to be, a good parent, father, husband, son, brother, lover and partner, friend, being, man, like my parents and my brothers have shown me and aspired me to be.

It will take time, but i have decided that the next time i am given a chance to do so, i will take every oppurtunity to make the best of it, in hopes that the next will be my last and will last till the end of days.

I hope no one takes their loved ones for granted, for you may never find one like them again. Ever.

PS :Anyway, some of you damn perasan. So don’t be perasan. If this message is     for you, i’d tell you. End of story. Lol

Brian.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, June 20th, 2006 at 10:03 pm and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.