Struggle
Things are still not going well in terms of sleep.
The dreams have stopped, but i still awake from my slumber from time to time.
I had a total of 21 hours of sleep over 11 days. Today, i had 5 in total. An improvement no less, but still…
I just hope this doesnt continue when i start work, or i’ll lose my job within a week.
I cannot continue like this, i know. But it’s not my choice to be like this. I’ve never been like this, ever.
There is care no longer.
There is love no longer.
No more passion.
The biggest pain is ignorance, neglect. The deepest cut one could ever received. Unseen by the naked eye but feels like someone is trying to cut you, stab you with a blunt knife, stabbing as often as they can.
How can things stay the same, when you change? Am i expected to be the same person just to fit into your little frame? Am i to learn your abilities to ignore, neglect and act like nothing is wrong, just because of a change of situation?
Well, i guess im expected to. Like i’m always expected to do everything.
Did i see it coming? Of course i did, yet i didn’t expect it to run through me and stay as if someone spreared me.
The scars will stay with this one.
I’m sure of it. No words can express how i feel right about now. Self love will have its costs, i just hope they are bearable to the rest of the world.
Sigh.
Wish me luck, cause the doc says there is no reason to see him, unless i decide to take some pills. Which is a NO of course.
Ta!
Brian.
